Impossible Feelings
by gig blipdot
Summary: They only wanted him to show emotion, only wanted to be able to get response out of him. Somehow, it got messed up, and the emotions aren't friendly or great.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, or any of its characters. 

Marik POV (Hikari)

I watched my yami, curled up on the couch with light from the TV flashing on his body. He wasn't watching it at all, but listening to music. Obviously completely unaware of the world around him, secure in his own little place, hidden away. He gets like this a lot, just closes himself away, in his safe little haven.

He had been like this ever since we had gotten him back from the Shadow Realm, but we only brought him back on Shadi's insistence, only kept him on Shadi's insistence and out of morals. We had simply guessed that the Shadow Realm damaged him mentally, probably permanently. He never spoke to anyone, not even through our mind link, never wrote anything, only showed emotions through his drawing and art. It had taken a while to get used to, taking care of him and seeing him sitting around, completely silent.

I went over to the couch and sat down next to Mariku. I saw him curl up more, and scoot away slowly. As always, moving away from me. I couldn't tell if he was afraid, angry, or anything. I attempted to ignore him as I turned to the TV, flipping through channels, though constantly feeling the need to throw my yami glances. He just ignored me, looking at his iPod.

I had to wonder when he would be responsive, able to share himself and his thoughts, emotions, with anyone else. If even just one person, who would never tell.

I just want him to talk, just show emotion once, and if that happened I wouldn't care what the reason was.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I will never own Yu-Gi-Oh. If I did, American TV would never show it and it's yaoifulness

Marik POV

I don't know which I would prefer. It was such a difficult choice. How could I choose? My _yami _wasn't helping, by just staying quiet.

But I had to make that important choice... Strawberry or chocolate ice cream. Ishizu had sent me out to shop while she was doing business with the museum or something and Odion was off doing... Something... Else. So, she decided it would be a good thing to send my yami with me. I mean, it was easy enough. He would have obeyed anything we told him, I think. Seriously, he had become REALLY brain damaged during that trip to the Shadow Realm, in my opinion.

I sighed while grabbing the ice cream, and walking towards the check-out, after grabbing my yami's arm and jerking him slightly to get him to follow me. He silently followed my lead, never arguing.

It was going to be a looooong day.

**Screw real lines... Text is in as separators! D**

And it would just get worse, as we all found out the worse thing about Mariku not speaking or protesting. Well, until a certain point.

We had been walking home, when Bakura had called me on my cell phone, so I answered it, and... Completely ignored my yami walking behind me, to talk to Bakura. It hadn't been until Bakura had asked how Mariku was doing(which was rather abnormal behavior for him...) that I bothered to look behind me for my yami.

There was one problem when I looked back: He wasn't there. The groceries he had been carrying were on the ground a while back, with a couple things smashed and thrown about, but no yami. I had been sure that he was playing a trick on me, before remembering he was pretty much a soulless body by now.

That was when I started to panic, and heard Bakura trying to get me to stop saying "Oh shit, fuck, shit shit fuck" over again without reason.

"Marik, what are you babbling about? Marik? Marik, you dumb ass, answer me! I swear-"

"Bakura! Mariku's missing! I don't know where he is, Ishizu is gonna kill me, Shadi is going to kill me, RA IS GOING TO SMITE ME! I LOST MY BRAIN DAMAGED YAMI, RA DAMMIT!"

Next time, there was actually panic in Bakura's voice, and that's hard to get him to do.

"What do you mean he's MISSING? How can he be missing, he doesn't even make his own decisions! The ONLY WAY he can be 'missing' is if someone... kid... napped... him..." Bakura said this slowly as we both realized something. Oh dear Ra. Someone abducted my yami. My yami who wouldn't struggle, "I'll be right over there, where are you?"

"I don't know... The corner of 5th and 3rd! Please hurry, oh Ra please hurry, we don't know what could happen to him, please-"

A click ended me in the middle of my rant, leaving me pacing on the street corner, ignoring the shopping I had dropped.

My yami was kidnapped.

**Another one of the "in" text separators. These things are so cool. xD**

Anyway, to answer the only review I've received so far.

To Whispers in the Twilight: ...He does have a yami!

xD

Well, depends on what you call a "yami"- Ancient self, or "dark side" with a cape D

Anyway, thank you to any reviewers!


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again, I do not own yugioh! I only have my muffins!**

**Marik POV**

I had been so relieved when Bakura arrived, it meant we might find my yami sooner. I really hadn't meant to lose him, but I was so engrossed in talking, I forgot he was even there. I had dragged Bakura back to where the dropped shopping was, and we found and alley that would have been barely noticed due to trash cans crowded in it. When we had gone into the alley, I found a cloth, and picked it up carefully with two fingers.

"Don't sniff it, Marik," Bakura said, "No idea where it may have been."

Nevertheless, I sniffed it. It was odd, so I took a bigger whiff, which resulted in my immediate and unexpected light headiness, then falling down. Chloroform, surely. Only thing I knew that could knock someone out rather quickly. Even though it wasn't needed to get my yami to go with them, they could've just told him to go with them and he would. Or just sit there, in which case they could just carry him.

"Hey Bakura, this rag has chloroform! I know 'cause it almost knocked me out. I don't know why you would waste chloroform on my yami though. Cause-"

"_Because_, idiot, they thought he would scream bloody murder or something, or at least struggle. Or even... They didn't want him to see where they were leading him, so he wouldn't know the way to get out..."

"Bakura, he wouldn't TRY to get out. Emotionless, remember? Plus, I NEED to find him before Ishizu finds out. She'll kill me!"

"Marik, do you only think of yourself? Who knows what could be happening to your yami," Bakura had started to pull me out of the alley, and I could see the ring glowing,"And _you_ are only worried about Ishizu being mad at you. News flash, your yami won't be emotionless forever. There are ways to break him from it, and that's extreme pain or trauma, or maybe even more ways. And when he uses his emotions again, it won't be too good. So stop worrying about yourself, and worry what happens to your yami, you stupid bastard."

I simply gaped, I would think like a fish, not finding anything to say after Bakura's rant. I mean, how can you care about something that has no emotion or response? He was more like... Well, more like a robot, or toy.

Bakura simply ignored me, while trying to do something with his Ring, I would think contact Ryou or something.

**Bakura POV**

I can't believe how much of an uncaring ass Marik is. Caring more about himself getting in trouble with Ishizu than his kidnapped yami? Especially since Mariku was kinda in more danger without using his emotions. No chance to escape. He would be broken, if they decided to torture him. And if he was broken, with all of his emotions running rampant, he might lose control. No one had really seen this before, this possibility.

I started to attempt to trace Mariku with my Ring. It could trace Shadow Magic, but... Mariku would have hardly any Shadow Magic left. If any. However, my Ring started to sway all the a few points in one direction down the street slowly, sluggishly, and weakly. Most likely Mariku's Shadow Magic was detected, given how weak the direction the Ring was giving me. Marik was obviously thinking, probably on how he would get out of trouble.

I grabbed him rather roughly by the arm, and started to drag him along.

"Bakura, I don't want to go after my yami! Ishizu is going to be home soon, I need to get the groceries home before she's home and-"

"Marik, you are going to come and help get your yami, so stop being a selfish ass! After all, it _is_ your fault he was taken. You deserve Ishizu being mad at you, because you practically neglect your yami! Plus, I thought you cared about what happened to him, you said something like it about 10 minutes ago... Though you were probably worried about how angry Ishizu would be at you if your yami got hurt."

"...And? Your point?"

"Ra-Damned..."

The last thing heard and seen by anyone watching would have been from me knocking out Marik, then carrying him the rest of the way the Ring managed to direct me. Bastard.

**Neat-o Separating line... Yayness:D**

**Gig: **I don't hate Marik... But it's fun to turn people into asses! xD

And... I will eventually start writing longer chapters. _Eventually._

Until then, thanks for the reviews/flames.

poof


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Nor a muffin.

**3rd Mariku POV**

Mariku was lying on his back, hands chained together and the chains bolted to the wall. He breathed erratically at times, slower other times. However the breath was, it was labored, and blood came out of his mouth with it. His hands would clench whenever the strong pain rang through his body, again and again as he struggled for life. As he wished to escape. But no, he wasn't supposed to escape. He was supposed to stay here. He had been yelled at, he wasn't going to leave by himself. He didn't want punishment again and again and again. But his will wasn't good enough to avoid the attack coming.

A man had walked into the room. At first, he had simply watched Mariku, marveling at how much damage he had done to this teen in such a small time, how much better he felt. Breaking the teen had relieved so much anger, now he had access to him all the time, it was like a drug being able to do so much, with so little resistance.

Before Mariku knew it, a foot stamped hard, down onto his chest, stopping his breath. He tried to jerk up his hands, only to feel the hard, rusted, bloodied chain cut deeper into his wrists and rub off already damaged skin. He knew that he had done something wrong, when the chains made a sharp noise, angering the man. The next stomp came harder, then harder, and then one last stomp made him feel like his rib cage was collapsing.

"Look at me, slave... I said **look at me!**"

A hand reached out and slapped Mariku across the face, leaving a bruising spot. Then, the same hand grabbed his chin, and painfully jerked him into a sitting position. He shivered as the man looked over his face. Mariku wanted to withdraw back into his shell of protection again, to be sheltered against all of these odd emotions, and harsh pains. But no, he was not allowed.

He would never be allowed to escape from the harsh pain and emotions overcoming him.

Never again.

**Another line separator! Ain't it great?**

**Bakura POV**

We were so close to Mariku, I could practically taste the magic, breathe it in. I could almost just jerk it into me, it was increasing greatly past the point as when he had no emotions. It felt so wonderful, a source of dark and hateful magic flowing. Of course, this meant Mariku had been broken from his shell, shocked into the real world, trying so much to protect himself with reserves of magic. It was wonderful.

I wanted to know what would happen when just maybe, he would be as broken as possible, pouring all of his magic into the world, freely, powerful. Would he go insane, as he used to be? Or would he go down deeper into his emotions, being killed by his own, uncontrolled magic?

What if it would be worse than what I thought...

**WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE! Text separator!**

**Gig:** I still don't have decent enough inspiration(or attention span) to write the longer chapters

oo;;

So you still get the short chapters! Thanks for any reviews, bye!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not now, nor will I ever own Yu-Gi-Oh.

**Marik POV**

Bakura had pulled me along with him to the front of an old, though huge apartment building. It seemed disused... And I seriously doubted I would find my yami in here, then get him back home quickly enough to beat Ishizu. I would really have to tell him, that we had to find him quickly and get him back. Of course, he would just get pissed off at me caring for myself and not my yami. Who was pretty much a doll that I had been supposed to take care of.

"Bakura, do you really think we'll be able to find him in here? I mean, it's huge, and he won't even answer when we call to him! I think it's just hopeless..."

Bakura interrupted me in mid thought- "Marik, you do know you could try opening your side of the mind link instead of worrying about yourself? You'd be **amazed** at how much you can do when you actually _think._And don't say that you won't be able to sense him through the link. With these levels of Shadow Magic around without coming from me, it's coming from someone powerful. Like, maybe _your yami?_ I think he's become... rather _broken_..."

The last sentences Bakura said sent chills down my spine. My yami having full powers, full range of uncontrolled emotion? He would destroy everything if he got loose! And the part about my yami being broken... He didn't say that in the best of tones. He sounded even anxious for it to happen... Or to have happened, which if I could feel emotions was true.

After my last worried thought, I opened my link. And was immediately overcome by a turmoil of emotions, and pain coming freely through the open flow of mind traffic. Well, most of the emotion was pain, or something like anger, depression, or complete despair and hopelessness beyond thought.

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, and attempting to block some of the flow of emotions so I could call to Mariku. Instead of being able to stop the flow, the link seemed to open more, and this time, I just saw black.

**Scene change:D**

Mariku opened his eyes, only to see the room he was in had changed. He dimly tried to look around, but to him it seemed like half of his vision had dimmed. The most he could gather was that he was in a main room turned bedroom, judging by the fireplace and outdated T.V., along with a large, clean, taken care of bed. When he tried to moved his arms, he found them tightly held by rope that was rubbing his already raw skin, bound to a leg of the bed.

He was fully expecting someone to come into the room and started beating him again, but it didn't happen. He didn't hear steps coming from down that hall. No one came into the room, angry about something. No one was yelling at him. It was... seemingly complete silence.

The silence disturbed him, more than he knew before. It was worse than when he would be beaten. He didn't know why, it just sent something into him. It was like the feeling that it was not right, something had changed drastically. Like something inside him had changed.

And so, he waited, and waited, and still waited on for someone to come into the room. He felt himself growing uneasy every moment, at first. But as it came on, he felt anger instead... It wasn't even anger though, it was like some insane, wild urge of hate, but still he felt some hopelessness, and still had his minimal control over the almost new emotions he was encountering.

But soon enough, he lost all control. He didn't know what came over him, but in a fit, an emotion that overcame his whole body and gave him strength despite the blood loss and dimmed vision. He ripped his arms up harshly, feeling the ropes cut through his skin, but in a snap they broke off, like thread to his new strength. He instantly stood, managing to get up without falling from the instant dizziness and headache, threatening to overcome his balance.

Mariku stumbled for the door, looking about to fall over at any time. But he stopped when he heard a crinkle of paper under foot, and bent down to pick up the calendar on the floor. It was difficult to read, few memories were retained in his mind from before the crack of his emotional shell. However, he could still read the calendar in his hand, with large print across the top of the most recent page.

_June... What is June? WHEN is June? ...Was it June when I left the place before?_

He walked out of the door, and was faced with a long hall, where there were few lights on. He limped down the hall, looking for something unknown. All the while, thinking to himself. His anger was gone, but his thoughts were still too scattered and random by now.

_Where was I before? I...I remember a card duel, I think. And... And I think there was a Realm of Shadows._

_...Who am I? Am I still the person from before? I don't think I am, it's... Too different. Different place, I don't know where, too different. ...But... Then..._

His thoughts were being lost as quickly as they regained, and only the though of finding out where and who and when he was forcibly pushed him down the hall with slow, limping steps. His wild urge and the energy that had come from it had dried up. The end of the hall was nearing, but to Mariku is wasn't fast enough. He wanted out. He tried to distract himself, running his few remaining memories through his head.

And in his perusing of thoughts, he came across a peculiar... Not memory, but feeling etched into his memory. The memory reminded him of mentally reaching out to touch something. But... It was not like the feelings from when he had touched out to something mentally. It was as if... He had been both mentally touched, and released from a great deal of confusion, a great calm and peacefulness had come over his mind. No anger, no hopelessness, just something that seemed to be contentment. He never had that feeling before. He wanted to know where it came from.

_How could something like that happen... My mind is mine, mine alone, no one else should be coming into it! Who could it be? Was there any person who could reach out to me mentally? I think there was one... But..._

He didn't know what was happening. But he saw a man, a man who glared at him angrily, then ran for him, yelling and cursing. Mariku felt fear, which quickly turned to anger, and then a raging hate. He could feel something just push him to use his legs to run at the man. And then, he lost his little control, to release it onto one target.

**Wheeee! Line break thingy!**

I got minimal attention span back... Just minimal. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.

Now I have to study for exams. They suck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I don't in any way own Yu-Gi-Oh.

**Marik POV**

I sighed as I walked down the street, dressed in the Domino High School uniform, and carrying a messenger bag over one shoulder. School had been the worst, of course Ishizu would say it only seemed like that because it's only August and I'm just getting used to it. Bakura (And probably a lot of people) would say it's because I was still depressed and guilty about losing my yami. To me, it wasn't either. It had been giant headaches all day, unstoppable ones. Yeah, I was guilty about losing Mariku, even though I didn't know why. Yami, though how he found out is completely lost to me, said it's because I lost the one person who wouldn't mind how much I talked and because Mariku was my complementary yami.

However, I, like always, decided to just ignore what yami said, and go on my merry way to get some aspirin. Once I had gotten inside the house, I just flung my bag somewhere, and went straight to the medicine cabinet, to get some of my desired aspirin. And it was right after I gulped down the aspirin it hit. A torrent of emotions, enough to make me dizzy, and eventually causing me to sit to avoid falling. After the larger rush, more emotions came through, but in more of a trickling. It wasn't until half an hour had passed that I realized that this mix was familiar. The pain that travelled with them, was familiar. The thing that spooked me, was the amount of anger traveling in.

And it made me realize one thing, after thinking for a bit: My yami was still alive. He was out there somewhere, on the physical plane called reality. I could find him again.

**Yay scene change!**

I was running blindly. I didn't know where I was going, but something in me knew where I was headed. I recognized small bits as I ran, I saw broken windows, fallen shutters, and bottles on the road. I saw my destination once I was close, it was the old apartment building Bakura and I had searched before for my yami. I stood before it confused. We hadn't found my yami then, only really strong traces of shadow magic, and a locked door refusing to yield. Rooms with blood in them, and rooms with cut ropes and broken chain, but no yami, not even any human.

However, I was pulled inside, not knowing why I was going. An overwhelming stench of blood hit me, and I was pulled into the building more, every step I took smelling more, being pulled more, and the trickling of emotions in the back of my mind growing faster and stronger yet. I finally came to the dark hall that was the source, where there were entrances where there were no doors, only hinges from them. I vaguely wondered where the doors were, before something grabbed my attention in the hall, and I walked to it.

It was the sight of messy, pale blond hair that caught me. And the huddled tan body to which it was attached. I started to run to my yami, until the emotions in my mind, that were obviously coming from him, completely stopped. Everything seemed to stop, my body, my thoughts, the dull flickering light overhead. And I felt myself being pulled into my body, to my mind, until I stopped and landed on an odd stone floor, in a room that was desolate, bleak, and splotched with blood. And a room with Mariku standing in it, watching my with questioning eyes. Or rather, eye. His right eye was covered by some fallen hair, but I felt certain that it was also watching me.

"Mariku?" The word was odd for me to say again, "Mariku... Are you really-"

"Why are you here? Why did you come here? Why? Whywhywhy? Why are you in my mind! It's mine! You shouldn't be here, get out, out _out OUT! GET OUT!_" My yami cut me off, backing away, as I watched it seemed like he was about to hyperventilate.

"Mariku, calm down, I won't hurt you! I didn't come here to hurt you, I didn't mean to come here! Just calm-"

"_GET AWAY!"_

I kept walking to him, and reached out for him, "Calm down Mariku, I won't hurt you, I want to help! And I don't think I'll be leaving your mind until you calm down! Look, if you calm down, I'll help you, I'll bring you back to my house, okay?"

"Nooo," He looked at me with eye uncovered by hair that seemed unfocused, "No, I won't go! Why should I trust you? Why should I listen? You'll just hurt me!"

"Why would I hurt you? Mariku, just calm down and think. I'm your hikari, you remember me, don't you?" By this point I had him in a corner, and was trying to touch him, "You got out of the Shadow Realm but you weren't... you weren't well, so Ishizu, Odion and I took care of you, and sometimes Bakura, Ryou, and other people would come over! Don't you remember?" I had finally been able to distract him with talking long enough to place my hand on the top of his head, despite the dangers of this action, and started stroking his head, an act to calm him.

"I... Why would..." Something happened, and I could see odd calculating behind his eyes, I'm sure I'll never know what was going on behind those eyes, "You're... The one... Who was in my mind earlier... So long ago, and even before long ago..."

And I had no idea what he was talking about. However, what he was saying wasn't important as the fact that he was starting to calm down. Or he was just out of energy, either way is was important. I tried to figure out what was best to do: lie to him, or tell him the possible truth, that I was probably the one inside his mind before.

"Mariku, I- Yes, I was probably the one in your mind," I saw him start to glare at me, this wasn't going to well, "No, I didn't come in to hurt you! Don't look at me like that, you already know I'm not going to hurt you. So, just come on with me, I'll leave your mind, and take you to my house, and give you some food and take care of you..."

**Wheeeeeeeee! Line breaker and time separator!**

Eventually, I didn't know how long it took, I could finally get him calmed down, and I was sitting in his mind, just stroking his hair still and telling him about people at my house, what would happen to him, and all else, and hoping he would stay calm once I left his mind. And when I left his mind, and ran up to his form, still huddled and shaking slightly now, I felt something drip into my hair from above. I looked up, and found out where one of the doors went.

A man was sticking to the ceiling, impaled by large and small shards of wood, with a face horribly mutilated by splinters. I looked down at my yami, only to see he was just as mystified by the body as I was. He looked unaware of who had done this, even though his hands were covered by fresh blood, and stabbed with splinters. I shivered and grabbed one of his hands, dragging him up and out of the way of the dripping blood. Mariku seemed to be dazed out, unaware of the world about him. He stumbled after me as dragged him out of the building, trying to get away before someone came in and found us near the body. If we had ben found, there would've been no hope for Mariku. He would be convicted, and either killed, or sent to an Asylum.

Once we were out of the apartment building, I broke into a run, dragging my yami along more harshly, even causing him to fall at times, only to be dragged back up a pulled into a run again. It wasn't safe to stay still, I was too worried that someone might try to take my yami whenever I had to drag him back up, I was worried someone would try to find us whenever he whined or snarled at me, or when he argued against me. I paid no mind it had become the middle of the night somehow, I dragged him with me into my house, and let him fall to the ground, exhausted, panting harshly, as I closed and locked the door behind us.

When I finally regained my breath and my senses, I could only look at my yami. I had found him, the one who I lost and had been tortured. I could never avert my eyes from the wounds on his damaged body, his injured physical being.

I could never look away from the eventual mental injuries. I couldn't help but wonder about his spiritual being, and how much damage it had suffered.


End file.
